Diamond in the Fire

Will you grab the diamond in the fire? Would you still go for that one very most valuable gem in the blazing furnace of fire and coal?... Would you knowing you will be burned, scar-ed, injured, hurt in the fire and still put your hands in for the moment for the one most precious item in your life?.... A question I ask myself and see the people around me go thru, going thru over and over again. Maybe I am scared, maybe I am a coward, maybe I am not a man as I would like to be....but I never ever once place my hands in the fire for that most precious item in my life. But others around are alwasy jumpping in getting hurt and not considering the consequence of their actions just for that moment of happiness, moment of peace, moment of themselve....maybe thats why I am me now, not the person I would like to be, not the person I wan to be, not the life I ever wanted to have....stuck in this predicument...But with the crys and complains of the people around, I feel more fear then need to not enter the fire....knowing too much knowledge is it a blessing or curse?...

I paid 2 bucks but others paid 100 bucks...thats why

What can one buy with 2 dollars and what can one buy with 100 dollars? Its apparent the value difference of the 2 versus the 100....and cause I paid only 2 dollars....I am paying the installment of a life time...over and over again......

Anyone understand?

Giving up....

Seems like my body is giving up on me...getting flu and cough over and over again....feels like time to give up hahaha....very tired these days..like nothing is perfectly right these days...all wrong wrong and more wrong.....

Where went wrong? What went wrong?..

It all began 20 years ago....

I wanna be an olympian too!

Watching the olympic opening this year gives me a different feeling...feeling of mising stuff in my life...like being the best can be...being an olympian...envy on all the people at the olympics....the guys who excelled so much to be who they are....the chance experience and everything...everything....everything....

Eased...

To move to my future....I got to eased my present..all the is linked to me......to move on....I am giving up now for then...

You think our special forces training is horrible?...think again!!!

Well was on youtube last night surfing and watching mtvs...when one of the links to a video was the chinese frogman training from up north...OMG...after watching I felt pain in my muscles and bones....you think our men here training is horrible especially those elite ones...hahaha..think again....THESE ARE STRONG MAN!!!..

And you see all the POP parades we have usually is accompanied by route marches that everyone thinks its crazy distance of 21km 42km 100km etc...well this POP is only 50 metres...but its HELL of a 50 metres!!!

Well I only wish I had 10% or even 5% of what they have...but reality and dreams can be worlds apart!!!.

Dreaming Dreamer....

Wah Another Post Yet...

Today must be a boring day at work for me since I can post so many times...well just set my Ab Crosses for tomorr...wanted to do mounting but the microscope is taken so its relax till the microscope is freed up....

Well just looking thru friendster's profiles and friends of profiles...and see so many hot people...and I wonder why ain't I one of them?...the debate of chub and 'no chub' labels was just discussed in Trevvy's forum with an alarming response from the Trevvy community and the best thing is that....everyone thinks their point is right, either responding in an arrogant manner or diplomatic answer to smoothen the masses. But no one...and again I said NO ONE addresses what is the real issue here. Well the real issue is, for example if you are an employee...or wanting to be an employee....you send resume out....with your photo attached(which I can say in some job applications is a BIG MISTAKE)...but any-o-how....you never get a call for even the first interview....so whats stopping you from getting the job? Is it that you don't apply early enough? Your font on your resume sucks? The font size too small they can't read? Or that your resume is in Chinese? Oh best, the post lost your mail?.....well same in the forum everyone is taking about everything else but why he never got the first interview!!!!.... And the why is that, you can brag all about how you can accept chubs, and that they are actually fun people too and that you never despise them...at then end of the day, ask yourself how many times you have looked thru a profile and and seen a chub profile and actually read it? How many times have a chub msg you and you just simply ignore or pretended its not there? How many times have you picked up a chub at a club...or even better still actually did any chub caught your attention before that you wan to talk or approach him(and not to laugh or otherwise). The real issue here is that if you do a statistic on all the people who posted their forum reply and their history of chatting with chubs, or having a chub as a buddy, given keys to chubs, or even dated a chub....well the answer is probably less then 5% or probably 0%. This falls to the alpha-male theory because in nature and evolution we are build to look for the most primed and ribbed and strongest other half mostly to propagate a stronger and better generation. The animal instinct in us no matter how much higher brain function we have got doesn't matter cause the animal in us takes over all sense when it comes to choosing mates and other halfs. Same for PLUs, this theory is the same applied, that's why we chubs suffer this injustice of nature that everyone wants someone better, but of course we as chub also fall into the same trap of wanting someone better cause we are still although not alpha but more 'alpha'-male looking for the other real alpha-male.... So the bottom line is, you cans said as much as you can about chubs are also fun, chubs are also good people, I don't despise chubs but at the end of the day is if you don't give them the first chance of interview then don't say until like you are the innocent party of this cruel judgemental article that blames you for what you already stand for but hid behind the curtain of forum diplomatic righteousness.....

You don't see cause you don't want to see me and nature doesn't allow you to see me....

'Life is good'

I recently read on a blog that someone commented 'life is good'...I wonder what is 'life is good'? is it life is good to you or that life has no bad moments in your life?.....I know my life isn't 'life is good'...its normal its average its even bad...So why some people can use the term 'life is good' yet some others can't? Some had 'life is good' all their life yet some others had 'life is lucky' only....lucky to have scraped across, lucky to have survived....

My life has most parts been 'life is lucky' uptill now which is life is sort of almost meaningless....I live day to day thinking what is life?...is it living like this? I don't know...

I need a big break...a break that changes my 'life is this' to 'life is good'....

Where is the break that is big???...

I dream of it....

If I won Toto

Well today in the office forum someone posted the What I would do if I won the 8mil Toto that is coming up.

Well my answer is this

hmm I more realistic...haha not saying thnking before winning is realistic la..hahah

4mil(assumming got 2 winners)

200k each for parents

150k for sister

100k for bro-in-law

100k for new-born niece(for further study)

50k each for grams(3 of them)

25K for each uncle/aunt(family) (8 of them)

15K for each cousin(11 of them)

10k for each niece/nephew(6 of them)

(total 1.325mil)

875k Get Housing of my own(probably condo as investment)

1mil Savings(fixed-D/higher savings rate accounts:so can spend interest earned)

500k Investment300k Storage(Emergency Fund for any 'incidents' or sickness in family needing month)

200k personal spending to be spread over 12months minimum, including:

- Immdiately go for good dinner, good not necessarily expensive!!!

- Take a personal holiday to destinations I wan in bagpacking mode(always wanted to do that)

- Take family for good holiday

- Treat ENTIRE family (about 40people) to good good restaurant)

- Charity to Cancer Research/Orphanage/Old Folks

- Contribution to Church

- 20k to split between colleagues(IMCB)

- 20k to split in few good friends.

Well its dreams..as I am a dreamer...but I wished hoped and wan to confident that it can come true.....

Wishful Thinking?...hmmm

I am a Dreamer

I realised this morning after fantasizing about the 8 million Toto that I am a dreamer...I went thru the thots of my life and the moments I remember seems to be surrounded by dreaming, day or night....in the dreams and reality that I build for myself...the perfect partner, the perfect life, the perfect situation and outcome to everything, the perfect way, the perfect happenings. But I realised that it can or will never be. Cause dreaming are maybe(s) and not will be(s). Dreams act as a kind of goals in life that people strife for but usually or in all cases it never happens the way its meant to be. Coming close, yes, almost there yes, but never identical. And my dreams of life seems more far fetched then I think it is and more impossible then usual. I am a dreamer, not a doer not a fulfill-er...only a dreamer.....