My new 2 Months Schedule....

Finding out

He finally know... I just realised if I am ready to be this open...... My flawed decision...

I am....Hardly a Hero....Yet...

Another Sleepless night as Woes comes...

Another sleepless night, another night where my mind runs wide with the thots of my troubles. Was talking to a friend about relationships, his specifically but the topics changed to myside, and I replied that I would know how to handle one know since so long single. But I realised that the real reason is mostly because I cannot afford one now.

My life wraps around the issues of money, I live to work as I cannot afford to work to live....

Dot the Pink Dot

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After being 29...

Its been about 11 days since I become 29yo or as I would put it 16yo(+/-13). I cannot help to realised that I am really old already. The good young days seems so far away now, but not only far but not littered with as many good moments or even moment or memories as I would like it to be. Well in this new 11 days of my 29th year, I have done beach clubbing which should have been done like what 10 years ago when there were friends young enough to go with, groups of friends to party all night without sleeping and worring oh no its working day tomorr or that I need my beauty sleep; I have recreated my new wall of so called memories on my tall white cabinet with the help oh my two girls to capture the start of the 29th year of my life. I realised I am physically the same as two years before, meaning not to say I didn't improve but that the improvement isn't enough; it isn't enough to overcome the errant of my lifestyle for the past 15 yrs in 2yrs. And as I enter into the 30th year or 16(+/-14), I cannot help to feel this is as much as I can be and will be worth in life for the next 20 to 30 yrs of my life.

I have neither a lover or a partner, I have neither money or assets (seems more debt then ever), I have no physical or mental talent, I have no direction everyday as I didn't have 4 yrs ago when I started working. It seems I am further from my goals then I ever was and strangely now I cannot remember them? And frankly on this 29th year, I cannot remember neither have I the strenght to create new goals.

I have become numb in the road of travelling that I wake to work, work then gym, gym then run, run then sleep, and the day repeats itself. In this cycle, I am as stuck as the fact that it has not done me any good as much as I would like it but at the same time I cannot do anything else but to hold on to the futile hope that everything will eventually work out which in my heard deep down I know it may never happen....

How do I continue to breath everyday of every hour of every minute of every second if I know the next day or hour or min or second has no destination.

I do not know....my mystery of the 29th year of my life...