Sleeping....Wake...and RAPE!!!...hahah all in the land of BKK

Sleeping...Waking....Raping..hahaha.....

BKK Prata made in Grace and Style

BD@BKK@Siam@Siam

My BKK Trip 2008

Transit Area Drinks and Food before 2.5hr on Tiger

Crazy about Tiger? haha

The Altitude is getting to HER!!!

Two Beauties on the MOVE

Can you see ME??

Cantalope its GREAT!!!!

Sawadecarp!!!....Mc's Style

Our first Morning First Breaky

LOOKS FANTASTIC!!!

Glorious Gorgeous FOOD

FOOD AGAIN!!!

Gay boy and Bi boy....guess who is who?

Two Girls on 'Beverly hills' of BKK

ICE CREAM IS A SAVER IS THIS WEATHER!!!

Three Guys or Three Gays? in BKK...definitly the latter

Prata with Egg and Cheese, its so SHIOK!!!

Me Naked? NA, just fat exposed to oil the swimming pool...hahaha

Feels like Genting...haha...but NO its still BKK

Two Girls again drinking at Suan Lum

Night@Lounge area

Mirror Mirror in the life, who's the pretties of them all?

Second Day Breaky....Gorgeous again...

Gays at Chatuchak

The Siam@Siam Design & Spa Hotel

Lychee Shake....its very refreshing...love the lychee flower...hahah

BD Celebration on the Third day...THANKS GAYS and GALS...

Gays at the pool...hahah...BKK MAH

NO we are not a couple...hahaha

Last day last hour in BKK Siam@Siam....Poser shot....

GO! GO! Augy-Boy...?

This year's birthday was a different one for me...special? I don't know...but a different one...mostly friends and less family...but then these few months family is only a tag along. Nothing more nothing less...I am starting to pull totally away from my family...totally and fully away from the ties that I always though binded the most.

This BD for me was a friends and more for me. A great dinner at Pier Eleven with my best gal in my life. Someone who has more then influenced my life but given it driving force. But thru the dinner and the night I also realised she has like me growth up and grown away. No matther wat happens the relationship between us will never change except for the life's path the will divide and hopefuly prosper out in its own wonders and glory. Friends too will eventually have that ending, not an ending to friendship but I suppose the cross roads that dvide. Destination same, thots same, but paths are different...and eventually we journey with others.

Wishing for this year is simple, I reserved this year's wish for myself, not for family, not for friend but myself. But this is a hard wish, when can this wish happen? Will it?...I don't know unless the heavens flip and its suddenly normality is imposed. My wish is simple yet there is no road to this dream. Will he look at me differently? Will they notice me? How can they or he notice me when I myself don't notice myself? Its easy to see me for my physical outlook is not pleasing but largely noticeable. but its not easy to notice me....a paradox in a paradox? Yes I suppose.

I live life in paradox-es and oxymoron-es ideaologies. Worlds and dreams around me exist in un-reality then in reality. I am like 'Ah-Sin' in the movie, holding on to something but in reality can his happy ending happen in my life? or lifetime?...Its a mystery waiting to be unraveled.

So Happy Birthday to myself...

The angry silent type.

I suppose I can be classified as a noisy angry type...always just complaining about stuff and telling people of the angry inside...cause I want share I want to be sympathised I want to be be told YES ITS UNFAIR. But the worst (not in the sense of the person being the worst) is the silent angry type. Holding inside only to share with few or only closed closed people. But holding it inside and making no noise... The anger screaming inside must be deaf-ti-fying. Knowing someone like that is really painful. Cause I can feel the angish of the person being that I felt or may be even still subtly still feeling the angish or anger of the situation.

This goes back to what are we all worth? Worth of a degree...degree 2nd lower...degree 2nd upper and 1st?....are we all defined by the paper and ink that is typed, print of handwritten by someone?....What in the world are our worth or value? Some are worth 1k...some 3k....some 5k...some alone the bonus of 1.5mil PER YEAR is probably the worth of my whole entire life. Who defines this WORTH value? What is the judgement based on? Is it as simple as how Tam, Mel and the some other put is as in its just a job and what is really what we want?...is this worth here enough or that we want more?... Is the more the deciding or limiting factor? But then in some cases, similicity is what we want but its unfair-ness we get. We cannot understand why some have a Posch while others a Toyota, and yes others 'Vehicle' 11....What determines why we are in a 3 room...executive...Bangalo A that can cost the value of my entire family and more.....just for earth bricks and space....Some of royal blood...others of tonic-ed filled blood...some others of blood that barely pass for blood.

We struggle in this world in unfair-ness, in crulity, in injustice...is the world unfair/cruel/injust or is that these entities roam in this earth, in the air, dirts and the hearts of humans?

We fail to understand life now, can we understand life later?.... Do those who pass before us really understand life?...or was it still blankness as we came into the world that we left it empty too.

How many of us will actually figure out this amazing secret of the Universe before we leave it?.

We have a choice to live in this world and how we live in it...but we have no choice in the happenings around, we can only control that which is in us but not out.

What are we all really living for?...Understanding? or the after life?

Unfair-ness in the real world or Reality in the unfair world?....

And again I ask this reality or real world question. Is this world really unfair to me or is that unfair-ness roams in this world?.... I am really happy yet at the same time really pissed at the situation. Angry at the unfair-ness of this real world....I am upset with how everytime everything seems good and seems to be going well in life when life smacks you with a biggy of a reality check. I am pissed at how destiny has played me like a doll. When others are the master of their own destiny. I am pissed that eveything just sucks....

What is my worth?...my worth is 3k after 3yrs of hard work and experience with a degree whilst others are worth 3.5k with just an extra paper to show it..... I thought paper was wood but I was wrong, paper is gold, paper is life, paper is you destiny of whether you win or lose, paper is stained with ink shows just how much you are worth. This PAPER, I hate it...I HATE IT.....its had governed my life from the moment I wanted to get it till the moment I gone it till this very moment when it haunts me thru others.

Paper...is it really wood? or is it really something else?

Who can tell me what is paper?
Who can tell me what is my worth?
Who can tell me what is going on?

Am I confused in the real world or is it just reality is a confused world?...


The truth hurts, kills and pisses me off....I wished I never saw the truth....

Reality in a Cruel World...or is it Cruelity in the Real World?

Sometimes we cannot differentiate if its the reality if life is that we are in a cruel world or that its cruelity that roams this real world?.... A perfect situation just left my place. Example...For one's future we make choices and chooses what that we thing is right... We choose to follow our path but when the path apparently annoys someone, you try to not make a scene and you try to please the person by making the best situation possible. But can you do when he strucks bad with a stab in the back, we can we do when are struck down by a blow not of strange but of blood?... Our own blood strucking us down?... This harsh truth, this harsh reality...cruel to a certain extent but yet still real in the cruelity.

What can we infants to this cruelity react? eye to eye? or just let it pass?

Are living in a reality of cruelity or that just in positive note that cruelity roams in the real world, only waiting for us to find it?...Do we fall? Do we rise up?. Do we just let go?

Sometimes truth is too hard to find, but even found is too difficult to understand...