This year's birthday was a different one for me...special? I don't know...but a different one...mostly friends and less family...but then these few months family is only a tag along. Nothing more nothing less...I am starting to pull totally away from my family...totally and fully away from the ties that I always though binded the most.
This BD for me was a friends and more for me. A great dinner at Pier Eleven with my best gal in my life. Someone who has more then influenced my life but given it driving force. But thru the dinner and the night I also realised she has like me growth up and grown away. No matther wat happens the relationship between us will never change except for the life's path the will divide and hopefuly prosper out in its own wonders and glory. Friends too will eventually have that ending, not an ending to friendship but I suppose the cross roads that dvide. Destination same, thots same, but paths are different...and eventually we journey with others.
Wishing for this year is simple, I reserved this year's wish for myself, not for family, not for friend but myself. But this is a hard wish, when can this wish happen? Will it?...I don't know unless the heavens flip and its suddenly normality is imposed. My wish is simple yet there is no road to this dream. Will he look at me differently? Will they notice me? How can they or he notice me when I myself don't notice myself? Its easy to see me for my physical outlook is not pleasing but largely noticeable. but its not easy to notice me....a paradox in a paradox? Yes I suppose.
I live life in paradox-es and oxymoron-es ideaologies. Worlds and dreams around me exist in un-reality then in reality. I am like 'Ah-Sin' in the movie, holding on to something but in reality can his happy ending happen in my life? or lifetime?...Its a mystery waiting to be unraveled.
So Happy Birthday to myself...
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