I am at a stage that I cannot look forward anymore. Not that I don't wan to but that there is no forward to look towards. I have reached my zenith of my tiredness, I cannot understand life as a whole anymore. The more I look forward the more I cannot move forward. But the truth is I am the one who brought me to this stage. Sin of the father three generation down? or that I am making history repeat itself? Or that because I don't like the correct gender? What sin was done so great in my life that I cannot see feel and hear grace anymore? Is it because I fail to see it? or that I don't see it anymore cause I (a) too gone to see (b) too tired to realise and see (c) or that I don't want to see?
I do not know, all I know is that my words of ending at 30th maybe coming to pass as I slip slowly away...and no one around me knows or realised this...
In the end, there is only me, I and myself...again...nothing to stop us now from doing what either should have happened 29yrs ago or completing a deed 7 yrs ago. I wonder which is worst?
I always have said that if I could turn back time, what would I change, a million things in my mind, but now, there is only one. If I could choose once again, going back to stop one event, I would stop the event that happened on 23th April 1980 at 3.45am...The event that should not have happened...or should not have allowed to be done...my coming....
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